I have two wonderful kids under the age of 10. The most surprising thing about my kids is that they both have the same answer when they get into some trouble. ITS NOT MY FAULT, DADDY. With two kids at home, things go wrong very often. They fight for toys, to watch their favorite TV channel, etc. If I ask them what went wrong, they will try to blame it on the other.
When you ask your kid about why their grade degraded. You might have heard from them that “It is not my fault. My teacher flunked me. My school is not great. The teacher didn’t know how to teach”. The list goes on. When a girl fights with her boyfriend, she says ‘my boyfriend never listens to me.’ After resigning the job, people say “No one can work with my manager.” Many of us have this habit of finding fault in others to escape from our responsibilities and duties.
Few days back, I was talking to one of my friend who is not even earning his bread. He lives on his parent’s income even after having kids. He told that he is very much depressed by the fact that this world is a worrisome place. Though we are under a democratic government, we have no control over what is happening in our country except electing them and giving the power to loot the country’s wealth. Tax is the legal way of stealing money from the citizens. Politicians, educationalist, health care professionals, etc. convert this tax money legally / illegally as their personal wealth. He further added that he is currently being involved with a group of people to create a revolution to fight corruption against these culprits in society.
Though I could agree with what he was saying, I could not understand why it should stop him to earn for him as well as his family. Later, I realized that he is an exceptional fault finder and has been habituated by his irresponsible father from his childhood to blame others for his life conditions. Because of this ingrained attitude, he is just passing on his problem by blaming on government, society, politicians, educationalist and so on.
The psychology of this blame game is the need for the human to maintain their self-esteem or ego. These people think that blaming others will create sympathy, and they will appear innocent in front of the society. One day, I was thinking about where did my kids learn this blaming behavior. I firmly believe that if my children have learned any conduct, I would be one of the major influence. I thought I should take responsibility to find out why my kid is passing on the blame instead of taking up the responsibility. Two things came to my mind
- They have observed me neglecting my responsibility
- I discouraged to take up responsibility
Before we dig deep into how my kids learned to be irresponsible at an early age, I want to share why being responsible is the most important personality trait. I believe that if you could teach only one discipline to your child, it should be self-responsibility. You will not find any personality development book without talking about responsibility, as it the foundation for the personality development. In fact, personality means taking personal responsibility for your thoughts and actions by setting or fine tuning your values, beliefs and attitude.
Things you miss out by outsourcing your life to others
Why being responsible is the number one Virtue
1. Use time than pass time
People who take responsibility for their life use the valuable resource of their life (time) judiciously. One knows whether time is used or wasted, only after they identify their purpose of their life. The one who leads a fulfilled life sets goals and enjoy the journey towards it. Former U.S President John Kennedy says that effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. If you think you are just passing the time, read this simple technique to overcome your procrastination habit.
2. Outsourcing life to others
Do you consider other’s opinion about you, important than your view of yourself? Have you listened to children saying that they are depressed because their friends dislike them? These kids when they grow up face lot of difficulties as they have outsourced their emotions (in essence their life) to others. Anybody can easily hurt them, and they want to project their false image than what they are. When they are self-responsible, they think about what is lagging behind them and correct themselves.
3. Are you, driver or passenger
There are two kinds of people on the road of life, drivers and passengers. Individuals who do not take responsibility are the passengers and the one who undertake responsibility are the drivers of the world. Drivers make a decision on which route to take, which speed to go. They know the destination and take the complete responsibility to reach the goal. They control the journey and at the same time having fun and enjoying the drive. Passengers do not take part actively in the trip and are just silent spectators.
4. Crossing the Safe Zone
Blaming does not alter the reality. Your inner self knows who is wrong, and this guilty feeling will surface to your thoughts often making you depressed and limiting yourself to try anything new. Your confidence decreases, and you end up living within your safe zone like a frog living in its well.
5. Self-approval or approval seeker
The primary cause of unhappiness is the need to be approved by almost everyone for almost everything in our life. You cannot please everyone all the time. People who are self-responsible requires approval only from themselves not from everyone else around them for their thoughts and behavior.
6. Learn Self Motivation
Lawrence Balter, Psychology Professor at New York University, states how a child becomes highly self-motivated. Once a child finishes the tasks for which they are responsible for, they gain a sense of satisfaction which leads to positive feelings and in turn, motivate the child to continue to do the duties and take more responsibilities in the future.
7. You lose credibility and dependability
You become dependable only when you take your responsibility seriously. When others see that you are not responsible for your stuff, how will they believe you? Will you work in a company or invest in a company which does not have any mission or goals and runs just like that without any accountability?
8. Decision Making decides your career growth
One of the most important life skill which determines your career success is decision-making capacity. When you grow up in your career, responsibility increases along with the authority to make decisions. For people who are not responsible, decision-making becomes a big problem because they cannot blame others for the consequences of their decisions.
9. Healthy attitude towards others
When you take responsibility, you automatically forgive others for their mistakes and think about ways to improve yourself even for mistakes done by others. Taking responsibility not only bring healthy attitude in kids, but they will be happy instead of cribbing about external events and circumstances.
10. Solve emotional problems externally
When children blame others for emotional upset, they will try to solve their mental agony also with external things such as alcohol, by taking revenge on people who caused it, etc. When you are self-responsible, you turn inward to find the solution for your emotional upset.